Straight, White, Sharp

Michael Cera & Zach Galifianakis describe that teenage feeling at the Youth in Revolt premiere

Michael Cera wears a buttoned-up pea coat over top a buttoned-up plaid shirt, on his feet are sneakers and on his head is a somewhat distressed mop of hair. We hear it takes more than 24 hours to get the Jersey Shore gel out. He talks softly and freely to every press outlet in line. He answers every question. He works very hard to maintain his title of Canada’s Sweetheart.

I hear he’s good with words so I ask him for three to describe his teens; I find it hard to believe they would be anything like Francoise Dillinger’s—his alter ego in his latest film and the cause for this occasion—Youth in Revolt. But then again, he did hit Hollywood at 14. After mistaking my words—“Did you say ‘teats’?”—he gave me his: straight, white, sharp.

Zach Galifiankis walks in hooded, bearded, in a puffy green coat. He sneaks in between New York Magazine and seventeen.com to try and get an impromptu interview with Fred Willard. He plans to ask him about his recent acid intake. I think I’m the only one who recognizes him. But I’ve been a fan of his shenanigans for quite some time. I whisper something over his shoulder—the same thing I whisper to Cera—and he answers “skinnier, happier, taller.” I think about what it must have felt like to go through your teens in a Radiohead song, and then I take out my camera, and stick it in his face.